Well, I'm in a better mood this month .  Even after all my complaining, I do need to put it out there that I am extremely thankful for all I have and am eternally grateful to the Lord for what He's done in our lives.  Like Joseph and all the negative things that happened to him, I need to keep focus on what God wants for my life, despite (or because of) the things that happen.  I've been having some stronger symptoms the last week or so with headaches, face flushing, sweating, and some mood swings.  Brianne and I are debating whether to move my April UofM appointment up to March or just stay the course.  At the same token, I've really been in a mindset to try and lose this excess weight.  I've been trying to walk a bit and even inquired at a local gym in Big Rapids (check out www.myptplus.com if you're curious). 

Our 6 year anniversary is tomorrow and we're hoping to be able to get up to Great Wolf lodge for the night.  We've talked about it for like 5 years now and we're at the point of "let's just do it".  We'll have to do what we can with our bills, but I'd like to see what that place is like at least once before...

I still feel weird writing these updates.  It sort of feels like an email.  I keep wanting to ask "so how have you been?  What have you been up to?"   LOL

Well, short and sweet for now.  I'll add more later as the month goes on if anything comes up :)

Well, the last couple of months have been fairly low-key.  My next CT scan is at U of M in April.  We finally got the hassle of being able to flush my port monthly in Reed City over and done with.  I've been feeling the 'normal', nothing too excessive, but still sick about half the time.  I've been taking anti-depressants for a number of months now and they seem to help with the lows not being as 'low', but I still have frequent bouts of ill thoughts.  I keep remembering how painful the tumors have been, almost dying when that blood clot broke open, all the poking and prodding...  I try to stay strong and know God has a purpose for all of us, but it's really difficult at times when I'm surrounded by people who've never even had an IV before, let alone like a hundred.  Sex is everywhere in the media and in our gutter sense of humor, but it's a constant reminder that I can't have a child and can't even 'get it up' for that matter.

Eh, I need to get it out of my head.  What else is new...  well, Brianne's brother CJ and his family moved back into the house.  This time we moved all of our stuff into the basement.  We cleaned it all up, built shelving...even put up little ghetto walls to help retain heat.  Living in the basement is rough when it's a frigid 57 degrees all the time.  We're trying to heat it up, but without insulated walls, it never seems to get there.  Ah well, we have lots of blankets and warm doggies.

Medicare will be starting up in February.  This should help us save money in the long run.  My long term disability company got the appeal information I sent them, but replied that it could take up to 45 days to review it and come back with a response.

I'm sure I'm forgetting stuff, but that's all I can think of for now.  I'm trying to stay positive, but it doesn't always happen that way.  I miss... well, everyone.  Living closer to my wife's family might be great for Brianne and it might be great that it's 'out of the city', but it just puts me further from my family and friends.  I miss getting together with Bobby for cards or a movie on the weekends.  I miss getting to see my parents every couple of weeks or so.  I miss seeing Corey or even the rest of my family a few more times a year...  dang it... I'm supposed to stay positive!!! 

Well, to all my family and friends, I love you and pray God keeps us all strong with life's difficuties.  Thank you all for your constant support and prayer.  It means a lot to me!

Grrr... if it's not one thing, it's another.  My long term disability payments got cancelled from Hartford Insurance.  Apparently, they misconstrued a bunch of different reports and came to the conclusion that 1) I don't have cancer, 2) the CT scans don't show cancer, 3) one of my doctors say I can go back to work, and 4) I'm able to perform lots of physical activities (mowing the grass, walks, etc.).  Well, every single one of those is false and it's annoying that I have to keep 'convincing' the insurance company that I'm still disabled.  I understand they don't want people taking advantage of the system and that they need to get regular updates...that's fine... but to blatantly twist everything like this is uncalled for. 

So now I'm in the middle of working up all the counter-arguments and it's really depressing me even more.  Even with all the stuff going on - depression, urinary infections, headaches, broken ankle, gout, being sick more days than not, insomnia, poor memory, difficulty concentrating, irritability, recurrent bad dreams, anxiety, abdominal pain... even with all this stuff going on, I've been trying to keep a positive attitude.  I don't like to talk about all that stuff.  I don't like to focus on it.  Yes, it's a part of my everyday life and it feels like it's constantly pulling me down, but I try not to wallow in it, if I can help it.  But then the doctors and insurance people hear me making jokes about my situation, trying to liven things up, and they don't take me seriously, I guess.  I suppose I need to act like so many other people on disability... oh woes is me... I'm so sad and pitiful... boohoo this and boohoo that.  I'm sorry, but that's not me.  Of course I want people to sympathize with me and understand what I'm going through, but I don't need to drown them in it.  As soon as someone's done reading this or done spending time with me, their life goes on.  Out of sight, out of mind.  I understand that's how the world is.  There's people I haven't seen or spoken to in ages because I get caught up in my own thing.  We're all like that.  I don't feel I need to spend the time I do have with people bringing them down and making myself look pitiful.  Anyone that knows me knows what I'm going through and I'm sure they can sympathize the best they can, but nobody really knows what this is like unless they've dealt with it through personal experience.  So that's why I don't talk about my problems very often and just make light of the situation.

But then we come back to the insurance company.  Now I have to emphasize all my problems so that they're more visible.  Now I need to get ahold of my various doctors and get them to state all my issues.  Considering I haven't been all boohoo up until this point, they might only have treatable items in the report and not all the other issues I've been dealing with.  Hopefully things go smoothly with the doctors, at least.  As for Hartford, looking them up online shows quite a few lawsuits against them.  It seems like they make a lot of people fight for their disability.  I'm hoping it doesn't come down to me needing an attorney, because frankly I can't afford it.  With what they sent me in the denial letter, I have a lot of ammunition to fight them with, but if they still deny me for some ridiculous reason, then things will get rougher.

Beyond all this though... all the time I'll spend fighting them to get the payments restarted is that much longer I'll be without that income.  Things are already too tight as it is.  We reapplied for food stamps a couple weeks back too.  The last time we got denied because we had a second vehicle for emergency use.  Apparently they considered that extra resources we could draw from before we officially needed help. 

We also went to a food bank thing a couple weeks back too.  They were giving away old, past date food from local grocery stores at a senior center in town.  Most of it had to be eaten right away or the moldy spots cut off first, but at least it was something.  Brianne's grandma said there are listings in the local paper of when they do that, so we'll have to find out when the next one is.

Brianne also just started working at Family Dollar, so things should start looking up.  I'm just going to miss her while she's working   At least what she makes will help offset what we're not getting from the disability checks.

Anyway, that's all the updates for now.  Just lots of work to do getting my appeal organized.  Hopefully if and when the income gets restarted I won't have to keep fighting for it all the time like I've been.  Peace and love to all.  I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and enjoy the time with your families!

Love, Rich

Lots of things have happened in the last month or two.  Let's see...

First off, I broke my ankle around the middle of August.  I had been trying to build my strength up by going for daily walks and working out with little weights.  I thought I was actually getting into shape a little until one day I was walking through the yard and hit some uneven ground just right and *bam* down I went.  I just laid there for a second like 'this didn't just happen.  Of course, my first thought was 'maybe if I just get to the house and pretend like nothing happened, my wife won't notice'.  That didn't work out... haha.  At least I eventually got a walking cast, which let me still get around somewhat, so I didn't have to spend the whole time with crutches.  The ankle's better now, but still sore.  I have to be careful with how much weight I put on that leg and stairs can be a pain at times. 

We drove out to Colorado in September for a couple of weeks so that we could go to my wife's friend Jenny's wedding.  Brianne was the matron of honor and helped get everything all taken care of with them.  I got to spend quite a bit of time with her husband Ryan, and we had fun hanging out.  He introduced me to geo-caching, which is basically using a GPS to find things like a world-wide treasure hunt.  He's also a police officer, so he took me on a ride along one of the nights.  For the most part, it was a quiet evening until we had a run-in with 'Tatooed Tony'.  A bar had called to say they needed someone removed and Tony didn't seem to take to that too well.  He practically fought tooth and nail, resisting them at every step.  The two officers called for an extra unit for backup and when the 3rd arrived, he held a tazer in his hand, just in case.  Well, some of the customers saw that and it didn't help that Tony kept screaming like a little baby that they were arresting him, so the customers thought the cops tazed him like 20 times.  I was trying my hardest not to laugh out loud when he was next to the car - I imagine that would've instigated him a bit...lol.

Otherwise, we had some bad news when we got back from Colorado.  Brianne had found a lump on one of our dog Kitty's breasts and wanted to keep an eye on it.  Within a week, she found a second one.  We got her into the vet and scheduled her to get fixed and get what turned out to be tumors removed.  During the surgery they actually found a 3rd one and removed it.  Now she's all stapled up and sore.  I've slept on the floor with her for a couple of days to try and comfort her - she really is our little baby.  If that wasn't a downside enough, the surgery came up to about a thousand dollars.  Obviously we didn't have that, so we put it on Brianne's mom's credit card.  My mom chipped in a couple hundred to help out too... but that's just one more bill for us to pay :(

Anyway, that's all for now.  Love to all!  God bless you!

Rich

Well, good news and bad news (as always, right?).  The month started out decent.  We stayed with my dad, Linda and the family for a few days prior to a CT scan I had on the first of the month.  We had a lot of fun with them and they made us feel really welcome.  It was nice to get to know all my brothers and sisters on that side of the family more. While we were there, we met up with my friend Bobby and checked out the Star Trek exhibit at the Detroit Science Center.  We had a lot of fun and it felt good to spend some time with him.  We visited my mom, Larry, Nick, and my grandparents one of the nights for dinner and it was nice to just sit and chit chat for a bit.

As if that wasn't nice enough, we 'adopted' a ferret from my brother Justin and it's been a nice addition to our animal house family.  When the first finally rolled around and the CT scan was performed, the doctor said there still doesn't seem to be much change in the cancer.  That's good news, of course, but I'll have to keep an eye on my symptoms, as I may need to get back on chemotherapy if they get any worse. 

A few days after we got back, we drove down to Kentucky with Brianne's mom to go to the Creation Museum again.  This was the second time we'd been there, but it was a lot of fun because they had added quite a bit to it.  There was a nice botanical garden with lots of drawbridges and waterfalls and (my favorite part) dragonflies.  They also had a petting zoo that was added with the camel and horse/zebra mixes being the most fun to hang out with.

When we got back home, things started to go downhill.  Our mini-fridge that we keep in the room is on the fritz and all our food (we had just gone grocery shopping before we left) was spoiled.  We also received a letter from my insurance company saying they had reviewed our payment history and we were overpaid in the beginning of my disability and that I owed that money back.  It'll wind up being about 2000 dollars, and from what I gathered, they'll take it out of our next 4 payments or so... which means we'll have about 500 and something dollars less a month than we're getting now.  After I get the forms in and talk to the lady again, I'll see if they can do like half-payments over maybe 8 months, but that'll still be a few hundred less than what we're at now...and at this point we're still just pretty much 'breaking even'.    We're going to have to skip paying a lot of bills for a while.  I know God will take care of us, but it just sucks having all this on our shoulders too.  I even told the lady that all I saw on the paper was 'over paid, under paid, blah, blah' - it just swirled in my head, so she's going to send out a spreadsheet with all the details. 

Some day we'll pull through all this, right?

    First off, I really want to thank Corey for setting up this site and getting this blog functionality working.  I really do appreciate it.  In the past we've let Corey know what's been going on and he's updated the site accordingly, but with his busy schedule we always felt bad about that.  This blog system will take a load off both our shoulders.  Thanks Corey!!! 

    Well, since it's been awhile, let me sum up where everything's at.  Cancer-wise, yes, I still have it.  It hasn't been active thankfully and the CT scans I've been getting every 3 months still don't show any new growth.  Lately I've been feeling anxious and angry a bit, which seems to be a pre-cursor to (or indication of) growth, so I'm nervous what the next scan will show.  My next scan is scheduled for July 1st, so here's to crossing our fingers!  Otherwise, I've been trying to get my strength up and I've got a pair of 5 lb weights that I keep on my computer desk that I can fiddle with while I wait for load screens and whatnot.  I've also been trying to go on daily walks with Brianne around the block, which out here in the country equates to about 3.5 miles when you count all the farms and property we have to go around.  I remember how much fun I had back when I was 17 with jogging, so I tried to push myself a week or so back and jogged little spurts while walking... well, that wasn't a bright idea.  My knees have really been killing me since then.  They feel like they're all bruised up and I hobble when I walk up stairs - I look like an old man, lol. 

Yesterday, Brianne's grandparents had a bunch of family come over to help tear down an old trailer they had on their property to clean up the yard.  It felt good to go over there and help out, even if I did just pull out a few nails . 

    So that's about where things are at here physically.  Mentally, I'm getting tired and frustrated living here at Brianne's parents' house.  They/we live out in White Cloud, Michigan, which is about an hour north of Grand Rapids.  Living out here in the country is nice to a degree, with all the parks nearby and new wildlife to see every day.  I've sat in the yard and watched gophers roam around and eat up all the dandelions.  There's rarely a day I don't see a deer somewhere.  The breeze and sunshine are nice.  Playing frisbee with the dogs and just relaxing can't be beat.  On the down side, the only options for the internet are "slow" and "painfully-slow".  We've got satellite internet, which is better than dial-up in some respects, but there's a constant 5 to 30 second delay to do ANYTHING at all.  That means it takes an hour to check email, and that's just reading it, not responding too.  That also means no online games and man, do I REALLY miss playing World of Warcraft .  I wish we could get something faster, but that is the downside of being in the 'country'. 

    Also, Brianne's brother CJ and his family are still living in the house and it's a frustrating situation.  We have the bulk of our old household crammed in between the bedroom we stay in and out in the garage (where we have to worry about it getting wet and mice/bugs getting into everything).  Her brother takes up the majority of the basement (which is about the equivalent of 4-5 of our bedroom's space) and they still leave the whole house a mess.  Juice stains, sticky floors, dirty socks, pop bottles, papers, cords, cards, boxes, dirty dishes, on and on...  Anyone who knows me knows I'm not a neat freak, but there's a point where any sane person just can't take it any more.  We've had 'discussions' about their stuff being everywhere, but apparently it fell on deaf ears.  They've made a minimal attempt to pick up, which seems to please everyone else in the house - after all, they're doing 'something' - but I still get upset because the house is still constantly trashed.  All that and her brother acts like a spoiled teenager even though he's an adult, making up stories and lying to anyone and everyone that'll listen.  They were supposed to move out months ago, but since he's not even looking for work, that probably won't happen any time soon.  At this point, Brianne and I are looking for somewhere else to live.  Our finances are really limited and I really don't want to move again, but I can't stand being here any more.  So much for the tranquility of living in the country!!

   Let's see, what's coming up?  We had told Brianne's parents about the trip we had made with my mom down to the Creation museum in Kentucky last year and they're up for going, so we'll probably go there in the next month or two as well.  Other than that, that's it for now.  Thank you to anyone who felt like reading this and thank you God for all you've done for us.  I thank you for this life you've given me and for bringing me and Brianne together.  My heart and soul thanks you Lord.  You died for our sins and rose, like the ashes of the Phoenix, and that strength of purpose and dignity you held while physically on Earth keeps me going strong always.  Thank you.

Love to all and God bless,

Rich

The following are the News/Updates that were made prior to the move to a blog to handle future updates....

May 7th, 2009
Update from Richard

I saw a new primary care doctor today in this area who should be able to help me since we just moved. On top of everything else going on, he said I've got a hernia as well. We're thinking that the pains I keep having in my groin area might be from that. It seems like I feel pain at random times, from just walking to picking up stuff, but it's really sporadic. One day could be good, the next - ouch - so it's been hard to pin down. At least now we know what the probable cause is. The doctor also said that there could just be general pain anyway from the surgery as the muscles are weakened there. He recommended we bring it up to the UofM doctors the next time we're there, since UofM likes to have 'control' of the total healthcare.

We're still waiting on my medical records as well. We put in the request in March and between them sending the info to the wrong address and poor customer service, I still am having a hard time getting them.

Oh yeah, we brought up getting my port flushed and blood work also. I want to find someplace around here that can do it, so I don't have to drive to UofM for that - it's about a 7 hour round trip. The doctor said Gerber Hospital in Fremont should be able to. I'm going to call them in a minute to see.

April 4th, 2009
Update from Brianne

Due to the financial struggles Richard and Brianne have faced, March 2009 they surrendered their home. They now live with family on the east side of the state. This move not only aides in financial situations, but also increases Richards quality of life.

Richard is now off Chemotheropy, but has to undergo tri-monthly tests to observe the growth of his tumors. If and when there appears to be changes, he will again start his chemotheropy again. Richard also needs monthly power port flushes. Brianne and Rich are in the process of finding a new Dr. in their area that is capable of taking on this rare cancer. Please keep God leads them to the right Dr.

April 7th, 2008
Update from Corey

A special thanks goes out to Allison LeVeque for setting up a benifit on April 26th, at the Sawmill Saloon in Big Rapids, Michigan. The show will feature live performances by T. K. Kelly, Kheperu, and Doctor Bob’s Medicine Show. Show starts at 9pm and there is a $3 cover. All proceeds will go to support Richard.

April 4th, 2008
Update from Brianne

Richards surgery was a success. The port will be used today for the first time for his CT scan.

March 29th, 2008
Update from Brianne

Medical Bill Frustrations!
We got another bill from U of M, but the $25 monthly was for the physician.... we now owe them $2,500, but now we still owe the hospital $29,000 and we are trying to set up a payment plan.

March 20th, 2008
Update from Brianne

April 1st Richard has to go to U of M to get a PORT placed. This port will allow them to take blood and do injections. it is permanent and will be under his skin.

April 4th Rich has to get CT scans of the chest, abdomen, and pelvis as a guide to help them see if the treatments are working.

On Richards birthday, April 10th he has his first chemo and infusion treatment. All together this will take 9 hours. Yes, Richard will be losing his hair due to the chemo. We will also have to get him masks to wear a day or so after treatment cause his immune system will be lower. He will have to get this done every other week. Chemo will be done the same appointment, but only once a month.

But there is Good news!!
U of M is now covered under Richards insurance, so they are working out a plan to get everything resolved. They approved us for $25 monthly payments. The amount we owe them as stated on our most recent bill ( March 18, 2008) $7023.30 for the physician bills.

Richard has also been approved for disability ($1400/monthly) He gets it the second wed of the month. Although he can not get Medicade until her has been disabled for a year. So we have to pay $767.67 monthly to keep COBRA going for a year.

February 2008
Update from Brianne

During his Dr. appointment with the surgeon Feb. 22nd the Dr. said that the surgery was not a cure, but to buy Richard time. His lymph node shows that his cancer is more active now that three months ago. We are waiting to hear from the oncologist on when he is to get another scan to show how active it is and to see if the treatment will even be taken in by the tumors.

The tumors are in his lungs and also in his lymph nodes.

March 19th Richard has an appointment with the infectious disease Dr. the one who is taking charge over the kidney infection...His surgeon is also concerned about the tumor attacking Richards left kidney since it was touching it prior to removal....

Dr. Hafez agreed with the oncologist about the prognosis of 5 years.

January 2008
Update from Brianne

Richard was in the hospital from January 8th through the 12th due to a kidney infection. He has been on Amoxacilin since. They said he will need to stay on this for another 6 months at least.

Bowling Fundraiser
Friday October 19th, 2007

A fundraiser was held for Richard at Sunnybrook Lanes in Sterling Heights, Michigan on 10/19/2007. In total $5,500 was raised. The event was put together by Robin Gladki (Rich's Aunt) and Chris Ramos (Rich's Mother). Many thanks go out to all who attended and contributed to the Richard Manetta fund!