Grrr... if it's not one thing, it's another. My long term disability payments got cancelled from Hartford Insurance. Apparently, they misconstrued a bunch of different reports and came to the conclusion that 1) I don't have cancer, 2) the CT scans don't show cancer, 3) one of my doctors say I can go back to work, and 4) I'm able to perform lots of physical activities (mowing the grass, walks, etc.). Well, every single one of those is false and it's annoying that I have to keep 'convincing' the insurance company that I'm still disabled. I understand they don't want people taking advantage of the system and that they need to get regular updates...that's fine... but to blatantly twist everything like this is uncalled for.
So now I'm in the middle of working up all the counter-arguments and it's really depressing me even more. Even with all the stuff going on - depression, urinary infections, headaches, broken ankle, gout, being sick more days than not, insomnia, poor memory, difficulty concentrating, irritability, recurrent bad dreams, anxiety, abdominal pain... even with all this stuff going on, I've been trying to keep a positive attitude. I don't like to talk about all that stuff. I don't like to focus on it. Yes, it's a part of my everyday life and it feels like it's constantly pulling me down, but I try not to wallow in it, if I can help it. But then the doctors and insurance people hear me making jokes about my situation, trying to liven things up, and they don't take me seriously, I guess. I suppose I need to act like so many other people on disability... oh woes is me... I'm so sad and pitiful... boohoo this and boohoo that. I'm sorry, but that's not me. Of course I want people to sympathize with me and understand what I'm going through, but I don't need to drown them in it. As soon as someone's done reading this or done spending time with me, their life goes on. Out of sight, out of mind. I understand that's how the world is. There's people I haven't seen or spoken to in ages because I get caught up in my own thing. We're all like that. I don't feel I need to spend the time I do have with people bringing them down and making myself look pitiful. Anyone that knows me knows what I'm going through and I'm sure they can sympathize the best they can, but nobody really knows what this is like unless they've dealt with it through personal experience. So that's why I don't talk about my problems very often and just make light of the situation.
But then we come back to the insurance company. Now I have to emphasize all my problems so that they're more visible. Now I need to get ahold of my various doctors and get them to state all my issues. Considering I haven't been all boohoo up until this point, they might only have treatable items in the report and not all the other issues I've been dealing with. Hopefully things go smoothly with the doctors, at least. As for Hartford, looking them up online shows quite a few lawsuits against them. It seems like they make a lot of people fight for their disability. I'm hoping it doesn't come down to me needing an attorney, because frankly I can't afford it. With what they sent me in the denial letter, I have a lot of ammunition to fight them with, but if they still deny me for some ridiculous reason, then things will get rougher.
Beyond all this though... all the time I'll spend fighting them to get the payments restarted is that much longer I'll be without that income. Things are already too tight as it is. We reapplied for food stamps a couple weeks back too. The last time we got denied because we had a second vehicle for emergency use. Apparently they considered that extra resources we could draw from before we officially needed help.
We also went to a food bank thing a couple weeks back too. They were giving away old, past date food from local grocery stores at a senior center in town. Most of it had to be eaten right away or the moldy spots cut off first, but at least it was something. Brianne's grandma said there are listings in the local paper of when they do that, so we'll have to find out when the next one is.
Brianne also just started working at Family Dollar, so things should start looking up. I'm just going to miss her while she's working 
At least what she makes will help offset what we're not getting from the disability checks.
Anyway, that's all the updates for now. Just lots of work to do getting my appeal organized. Hopefully if and when the income gets restarted I won't have to keep fighting for it all the time like I've been. Peace and love to all. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and enjoy the time with your families!
Love, Rich
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